The Cursed Pantun

[Please read with caution. Readers' discretion is advised.]

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit
Goddammit... I mean, Allah dammit (as Akhmed the dead terrorist says it)
Something disastrous happened yesterday that almost brought instant calamity upon my whole year of school life in MES. Something totally unexpected, crashing down on me like a tsunami, without a word or sound of warning at all.

It was actually a very, very small matter than wouldn't have been a bother to anyone from, say, the busier town of Kuching, but somehow being in Banting, everyone loves the action and commotion, so they made this molehill into... a extravagantly gargantuan volcano, so to speak.

[The above statement was an inference only and not to show favouritism for or against any city or town]

It all started on a lovely Monday morning. Most of my class teachers were not around for some unknown reason, therefore our class, 5 Newton, was left unsupervised for most of the morning. Of course, as anyone would expect, chaos reigned in the class, as the saying goes, when the cat's away the mice will play...

However, not everyone was making a din in the first Form 5 class in MES. Many people like myself were intent on doing as much homework as they possible could and to squeeze in some amount of reading. ... o.O ... OK, fine, I wasn't being all that hardworking, but the point is, some people wanted to have some peace and quiet. So, I, being a responsible class monitor, decided to take things into my own hands.

There was a boy by the name of XXXX XXXX from the second class, 5 Curie, who walked into 5 Newton. I personally never liked him because he was noisy, disgusting (he spits everywhere) and untidy. However, he has been good friends of many of my classmates for many years, so he liked coming into my class to chatter and disturb people. After a while, I asked him very corteously to leave. However, he refused to obey my command, leaving me at loss of what to do.

Then, a spark of ingenuity came to me - the pen is greater than the sword! So, I tried to be clever and wrote a pantun (a Malay tradisional poem) to get Mr. XXXX out of the class. I wrote it on the whiteboard, and it was effective in chasing Mr. XXXX out for the moment. My classmates applauded me for my cleverness. That's when the trouble started...

Pantun Yang Binasa Itu

Ibu memasak lauk kari,
Bersama dengan padi petani;
Kalau kamu dari 5 Curie,
Janganlah masuk ke kelas ini.


[Translation: Those from 5 Curie, please don't come into this class]

Apparently, this caused a mini-revolution in the second class. From what I heard, when the others from 5 Curie read this, they suddenly poured out of the class in a torrent, holding brooms and dustpans, ready to beat me to a pulp, so to speak. Their teacher was even still in their class! They took to writing their own poems to make fun of my class and me, vulgar words quickly flowing out of their vocabulary. But my spy and inside man came to the rescue and erased the words from their whiteboard. He later told me about their plans to beat me up after school and the next day, but thankfully I had some errands to run for one of the teachers, so by the time I went out of the gate, the van that picks me and the inside man up had arrived, so I hopped in and left, making a quick getaway from the guys waiting for me by the trees. Whew.

Hold it... you may be wondering, WHY exactly did they respond that way? I had no idea myself, but one of my friends explained that the people from 5 Curie and 5 Newton have been friends for ages. When they read the offending pantun, they felt that the Newton kids had become proud, arrogant and assumed that they were the best. This suddenly caused classism among the students. The Newtons supported me, the Curies supported Mr. XXXX...

Suddenly, I was getting very, very worried. What deep shit have I gotten myself into? I figured out that I had 4 options:

1. Ponteng sekolah. [Translation: forced truancy]
I suddenly realized how those pitiful kids who "play" truant feel - like they were being surounded, enclosed, suffocated by bullies, boring classes and nasty teachers. They had no choice but to run!!

2. Hire bodyguards.
Unfortunately, most of my friends are weaklings, and the inside man, being a big boy, would be supporting his own class, so I would be left with skinny sticks to defend me... Xo

3. Move back to Kuching!!
Ah, how wonderful it would be, but alas, that would be impossible, and besides I would have to tell my parents the whole story, which I do NOT want to do as I would come off as cowardly, AND my parents would make an even bigger molehill out of the already titanic mountain.

4. Show them how Christians do it
The Bible says, if someone slaps you on your cheek, slap them back a hundredfold. Or something like that... NOT. The Word of God tells us to "turn the other cheek" and to "love your enemies". I never had a chance to make enemies... until now. Who knows, this may be an opportunity to show God's love as well as to make new friends with these blustering rascals.

Anyhow, I had to do something, so I attempted to make ammends the same way I caused the trouble. I spent last night writing a long pantun to express regret and remorse for my words.

Pantun Harmoni

Ketua kelas berkuasa sakti,
Ingin menguasai daerah Kuala Langat;
Kalau kamu terkecil hati,
Janganlah tersinggung sangat.

Hari in hari Selasa,
Banyak orang yang kaya raya;
Mulut bercakap mudah binasa,
Pena ditulis lagi tajam matanya.

Pertandingan berpantun telah dianjur,
Pemenangnya banyak merupakan para sahabat;
Kata diluah sudah terlanjur,
Mengambil balik sudah terlambat.

Bulan kedua sudahpun kelam-kabut,
Ada murid tertinggal keretapi;
Sebuah bukit kecil semut-semut,
Janganlah dijadikan gunung berapi!

Puteri MES cantiknya muka,
Putera MES amatlah berani;
Aku menghulurkan tangan terbuka,
Supaya kita hidup aman dan harmoni.

Sebatang kayu jati amat merana,
Takut dimakan anai-anai;
Kalau dari kelas mana-mana,
Dijemput datang beramai-ramai.

[Translation: If you were upset, please don't be. The mouth easily speaks destruction, but even sharper is the point of the pen. Words spoken cannot be taken back. Don't make a volcano out of an anthill. I extend my welcome to all so that we live in peace and harmony. If you are from whichever class, you are welcomed to come in...]

The result? No one lifted a finger against me, BUT - the class of 5 Newton became all the noisier, with people from many other classes coming into 5 Newton because most of the teachers didn't come... again. I could not do anything, but as long as I'm safe... why bother?

Why is it that most of the trouble I get into somehow comes about because of my tongue? Or more precisely, my incorrect choice of words? I cannot count the inumerable times I have gotten into rows with my mother because of this... *sigh* Above everything else, all this commotion was probably caused by me trying to be too clever for my own good.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year!! To myself - a New Year with no relatives around, definitely less angpow (or none?!!), hopefully I can get some homework and study done...??!!
Xo Xo Xo